NOTICE!

  • I AM A FUCKING PSYCHO AND CAN'T HELP IT.

    I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR REACTION TO THE CONTENT OF THIS WEBLOG. I am crazy. I do a lot of stupid things. My life is very dramatic. I have a lot of issues. I have a fowl mouth and a fowl disposition to match. If course language, inappropriate and adult content, sexuality, and violence toward things living and un-living will offend you, PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE READING. This is a blatant warning that these topics will be contained in this blog, so please heed it. We all have a right to say whatever the fuck we want, but I understand that not everyone wants to expose themselves to these topics. If you fall into that category just leave now and do us all a favor. THANKS.

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Wednesday, 28 October 2009

  • Life blows lately.

    Damn, okay so I'm trying to find something to do to calm myself down.

    I kinda had a wild weekend not this weekend but the one before that, and I kinda slept with a few people. Now I'm pretty sure I have an STD. I don't know what it is... but man... I feel disgusting. After this I'm totally settling down. MAYBE I'll do one or two people. I think I'm mostly done with sex though. Fuck. This shit is too dangerous.

    Okay... plus I have to tell a guy that I just slept with like 2 days ago about this. I really kinda like him a little bit and this will deffinitely destroy any chance of that happening. Fuck. What am I saying? Okay so I don't think anything would happen with this guys anyway, but I still don't want to tell him.

    I thought that I was just a bit sore from having sex with my ex... That's what this feels like. Like when you have sex when you're dry for a long time and it just kinda irritates it. That's how this feels. But then he just texted me and told me that there's something wrong with his dick now.

    I'm fuckin scared.

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

  • I FEEL HORRIBLE.

    Binged.

    I ate like a super fatass today and I feel horrible. I don't see how I used to live like this... actually eating. I'm not going to eat at all tomorrow. I seriously hate this feeling. I'm totally taking some laxatives tonight too. There's no way that randomly eating that much isn't going to upset my digestive track... If ya catch my drift.

    I seriously feel like puking! I didn't realize how much I hate eating until now.

    So tomorrow I'm fasting for sure. I totally can't deal with this disgusting full feeling. Ew.

    Oh, I spent the night with FWB last night. Slept with him for the first time in a while. I'll write about that later.

Friday, 25 September 2009

  • ALL THE BOYS ARE GOING CRAZY! WTF!

    IS IT A FULL MOON OR WHAT???

    FWB is being all gushy again and basically said that he wasn't sure what he wanted now. WTF.

    The EX is going psycho over a 206 # that texted me today. I didn't even read it. WTF.

    African boy is randomly ignoring me right after telling me how much he liked hanging with me. WTF.

    Best friend is being a complete vagina over me still. WTF.

    WHAT DO I DOOO???

    They're all being so weird!

    I'm not equipped to handle this! I'm not an emotional person! I'm too analytical and logical...

    .. AND THIS MAKES NO SENSE.

    For the jewish new year.. in addition to appologizing to everyone I wronged in the past year... I decided to make a new year resolution. I was going to try to be more emotional and wear my heart on my sleeve... and tell everyone how I feel.

    BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH TOO SOON!!!!

    I don't know how to deal with this! Why can't everyone be like me and just not do anything that doesn't make sense?? I mean seriously. This is all so random and unpredictable. I don't know what to say to any of it.

    I just told FWB that I love him and he said he wouldn't ever leave his gf for me... Then he gets mad at me for seeing African boy.. WHAT DO I SAY? What do I say when he says he misses me? Or that he wishes he was here with me while I'm sick? That's way too weird for me to handle.

    What the fuck is everyone thinking??? O_o

  • Lost almost another 1/2 pound. :)

    Well it's looking like I'm going to stay on track and make my halloween goal of 155. :D

    I'm excited. Hopefully I can keep this up to Christmas and be 135 by then. That would be fantastic. I think by my birthday I'd be in the neighborhood of 115. Maybe 120 since it'll be a lot harder to lose weight when I'm smaller.

    Either way... at least this gives me something random and un-boy-related to be happy about. I can be psycho obsessive over something that only has to do with me! It'll work out fantastically. :D

    I'm a little bit down on my weight loss though. I need to lose a little over 1/3 of a pound a day. I seem to only be losing about 1/4 of a pound. Then again, I have random days when I got on the scale and I'm down like 2 pounds. It's odd.

    I'm really excited. I think after I get down to maybe 120 pounds I'm going to wait until spring to lose the rest. So that way I can just switch clothing sizes when the season changes. I'm gonna miss some of my clothes once they're too big. I know I'll find new ones that will look better since I'll be smaller... but I really like some of my clothes. :(

    Maybe I'll just have them taken in a size or two. Like my new red satin dress... I really love that dress but it's not going to look right when I'm not this big anymore. :( It's like skin tight and rouched all the way down so it fits like a glove... it won't look good baggy. lol.

    As weird as it is I kinda don't want anyone to notice me getting smaller... just because I don't want people asking questions or making comments. I know they will... but still. I'd rather just not talk about it.

    I'm excited for life. I got lots of stuff to look forward to. :)

Thursday, 24 September 2009

  • Life is going pretty well.

    Well. DAYUM.

    Let's see... College is going well. I'm the smart kid in the class. Makes me feel good. I'm competitive and this class is giving me something to focus on. lol. I have to be better than everyone else in it and I am! lol. It's exciting.

    I'm having a pretty good time with Rosie. She's a tad sick right now but not too bad. :)

    I lost more weight. Last time I weighed myself I was 166.6. :D

    FWB is totally heart broken... AND IT FEELS SO DAMN GOOD. HAHAHA!

    After he chose his girl friend over me and said I wasn't good enough. He didn't think I was serious when I said I wasn't going to be with him anymore. I know that's why he chose his gf. He didn't think I would actually stop seeing him and be with someone else.

    He was super surprised last night when I told him I was going to stop texting him because I was going to see someone. Then we got into a long arguement about who. Finally I told him it was a guy from school. Then he started freaking out because he thought I was going to be spending the night there with him. He then went on to say that he'd never met anyone that "forgot about people" as fast as I do. Hahaha. Then I told him that I didn't forget about him, I just wasn't going to wait around for someone that said they didn't want me. He didn't text me back for a long time after that. At 10:45 or so he sent me a message that just said "so are you havin fun? I'm goin to bed. Good night." HAHAHA!

    TOU MOTHER FUCKIN CHE SIR. KARMA IS A BITCH AND WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND.

    Anyways, new African boy... I'm really feelin him. He's SOOO sweet. He's really really respectful and even after I said that I wasn't going to be sleeping with anyone til I was actually someone he still wants to see me. :) Deffinitely not fuck buddy status there. lol

    I think I may actually like him more that FWB now. I still love FWB. That hasn't gone away yet. I think though that if FWB were to say that he was going to leave his gf and want to get with me I would have to decline. That whole choosing his gf over me and lying to me and saying that I'm not good enough basically because of my past was really a turn off.

    I think that African boy and I have a lot more in common too. Even though he's from a whole different culture too, we just sort of get each other. We're both REALLY laid back and feel the same about a lot of stuff. We both really like foreign cultures, not just our own either. lol. He loves my favorite restaurant and likes having me sing to him in spanish and try to explain what the song says. He's really nice. I like him a lot. He's cute too.

    OH... AND HE'S TALL! He's gotta be at least 6' tall. Probably more like 6'2". I like it. :)

    IDK. I don't think any amount of ass kissing will save FWB now. Even if he wants me back... that was just epicly uncool. Plus, I think African boy is at least equally awesome, way more trust worthy, way more honest, and at least twice as respectful. lol

Current challenge:

  • 155 by Halloween! 16 left.

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