Well I haven't been doing too bad lately. I lost 3 pounds. :)

I'm getting kind of irritated with forum sites these days. There's too many damn rules. My favorite one, EDNOS Friends, is kind of getting gay. I hate the fact that there's like 12 yr olds on there. We can't swear, post pictures even with censored nudity, talk about sex, blah blah blah.

What's the fun of being an adult on the internet if you have to censor everything for the kiddos?

Oh well. I think I'll probably delete my account there soon. I don't know what I really get out of being on there afterall. Hardly anyone actually talks on there.

Anyway though...

I've gotten back with the ex now I think. :) Still talk to cowboy though. Kinda miss him but God damn is he stupid. Makes sense though that he'd want to date his idiot girl friend though. I get so tired of seeing her status updates and stuff. She's SUCH a retard. She's constantly writing things like "dogs that bark don't bite" (but in spanish cuz she's mexican) to her friends that try to tell her that her BF is cheating on her. I bet a million dollars that if I were to straight up tell her that he's been cheating on her with me at least once a week for the last oh... idk... 7 months... maybe... she'd probably just call me a bitch and tell me to stop lying to her and then go get his fucking name tattooed on her forehead or something.

STUPID BITCH.

Oh well. Not my problem now. My SO is better than cowboy anyway. :)

Well I should probably go drink some coffee and wake up and get to work. Bleh. Another day.

Okay so my last post was when i thought i had an STD i think...

well, so here's what happened. the first week of november i got really sick. it seemed like the flu or something but it wasn't. i had a really high fever, a rash, stomach pain, nausea, vomitting, headache, confusion, and low and behold! it turns out i had SEPSIS! yeah, so all that time i though i had the flu and all the doctors i called told me to just wait it out and see if it got better i was on my way to septic shock! i officially went into shock my second night in the hospital i think. anyway, i ended up down in the ICU sedated and intubated. almost died. all i can really remember from being in the hospital is a few hallucinations. i can't remember shit. i can't even remember who came to visit me i was so sick. oh, and somehow i got PID with out having an STD. so those STD symptom i describe, well, i didn't have anything. pretty much i got sick and almost died for NO REASON AT ALL. all the doctors could see on my CT scans and stuff was the PID, which didn't come from an infection, and no other sources on infection. so... nobody has any idea how i ended up septic. man it was ugly though.

so cowboy and i haven't really been talking. i think i'm kinda over it. i like my ex again. well, i take that back. i LOVE my ex again. he's really great. i think we're gonna officially get back together again soon.

i'm trying to decide currently what i want to do with school. it's going to be hard to be away from the ex. i haven't been away from him really since i was 15... that was almost 4 years ago now. i don't think i know how to be alone. i mean, i'll still come home and see him on the weekends. or maybe he'd come up and see me. either way, i'd only have to be able to go 5 days with out him. i don't know if i can though. i really love him. i'm super attached. plus i have no idea how i'm going to pay for it now... :-/

I don't know what to do.

anyway though, back to other matters that i use to destract myself...

i've gotten super fat! jesus christ! i've gained like 20 pounds. i know it's just from being sick and not moving at all from that (i was seriously on bed rest for about 2 months straight... just started really leaving the house again in december). i need to start going to the gym again.

i think i'm going to reinstate some old rules. no eating before 12, no eating after 6. i got a gym membership for christmas so i'll be going to the gym again too. i think at 12 i'll eat like a lean cuisine or one of those smart ones things or something and then later i'll have to eat some fruits and veggies deffinitely. not sure what else. oh, and i talked the ex into taking bachata dancing lessons with me! that'll be even more exercise. we'll probably do salsa too. but anyway, the most important rule of all, NO SWEET SHIT. NO SUGAR AT ALL. I've kinda become like addicted to sugar i think. it's super weird. i don't like it. seriously i get these feelings like i HAVE to have sugar. i deffinitely don't like it. i'm going to try to go a week with out eating any sugary sweet foods at all. starting tomorrow. now, natural sugar in fruit and stuff is okay because that's not what i'm craving. that's normal natural stuff you should eat. chocolate bars aren't.

man i really want to just not think about food anymore! damn. lol. i just realized that i can hardly even like study anymore since i think about it so much. lol. i'm such a damn psycho. lol

anyway though, an added goal that i want to make is to look good in short shorts soon. lol. it's hard to do bachata dancing in dresses so it's easier to do it in shorts. i'd like to be able to go out in shorts and look good in them. lol. i used to. i wasn't even that skinny when i did. i just used to be in really good shape. :P tooooo many days spent on my ass have ruined that. lol